Bonus! Monster Monday: The Drumpf

What is the Drumpf

First, A boiling mass of Ochre Jelly, a dash of gibbering mouther, and the still living bodies of Goblin twins. Add Old dragon teeth, hoof of pig, and the brain stems of a few baby Gricks. A spider’s web, ten doll heads and a pinch of ramen flavour packets, and bring down to a simmer. Scrape the feet of a dead man, and powder it with fools gold, keep adding until the surface is gelatinous and thin-skinned. Repeat the mantras of the Fokksians until the liquid beings to boil off, and the skim at the top is withered and orange. So goes the ritual to create the Drumpf.

The Drumpf is a vile creature born of terrible magics and nauseating necromantic experiments. It sprung from the mind and work of the dread wizard Ailessar Roget, a black hearted Fokksian with unnatural appetites. He deigned to create a near immortal coil in which to pour his darkest desires and his unholy visions for the world. A creature with invulnerabilities to the ravages of time and the light, with abilities to allow him to spread his filth throughout the world without challenge.

The Drumpf, at first appearances a failure, may have been his greatest success. Despite the obvious weaknesses in in it physical form, it is a nearly indestructible monster with very little sentience of its own. It wields great power without understanding of its consequences. It also cares little of said consequences, for the Drumpf is aware of little but it’s own existence.

It gibbers senselessly to itself. The two heads appear to talk to each other. It can hear nothing but the drone of it’s own voices. If one were to listen closely, they would soon understand that it is not conversing with itself, but the heads express the same thoughts, disjointedly. The the network of – what might pass for its brain – is so convoluted that it knows not to which mouth it is using at any given time. It lacks any kind of ability to regulate its thoughts or speech. It simply cannot filter what it hears or says, and so, the words layer upon each other in an endless web of nonsense. To others though, its words are hypnotic and entrancing.

That nonsense is but one aspect of its power. Those words enthral not just the weak-minded, but the weak-willed. It’s barrage of endless noise can often penetrate even the most astute intellects and infect it with it’s hateful madness.

The Drumpf lacks the intellect or ability to give any kind of direction to its new found followers, nor is it even really aware of them. It does not control through command, but what its influence does is unearth the dark desires of the affected. Followers hear what they want to hear – or at least, a reflection of their own dark thoughts and deeply buried desires. It brings out the worst in people, dulls their intellect and suppresses their good sense. It fills them with fear, dread and anger. Those infected with the Drumpfs vileness begin to lash out at others. First, any that seem dissimilar to them. As the effect deepens, they will lash out at anything that appears to interfere with the Drumpf, real or imagined.

The Drumpf feeds off of this fear – the more people that flock to it, the more it will babble on. It can feel the essence of fear, discord and irrational anger, and those emotional energies invigorate it. It can often become hysterical in it’s gyrations and wiggling as it gestures inappropriately in concert with its orations.

The only other desire of the infected is to bring the Drumpf their valuables, often handing over everything they have in the world. The one thing the Drumpf is aware of is gold, and it loves it’s gold. It hoards it, often in ruined and abandoned towers. While the Drumpf is not particularly fond of sunlight, it does enjoy being elevated. It often makes its nest high above the ground. It wallows in it’s own filth, a combination of it’s vile excrements that come from it’s mouths and tarnished gold it collects.

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I’m sorry. This isn’t based on a kid’s drawing. This is based off of some stuff I was heard from Donald Trump. That guy is the worst.

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